Out of My Life
by hanyou
Summary: Kiyone struggles with love and duty.


Out of My Life  
By: youkai  
  
Okay...there are a couple things to keep in mind before reading this fic.  
  
A) it's yuri. Basically, it involves a Kiyone/Mihoshi relationship. (sorry, they're just cute ^_^)  
B) it's my first fic, so please stick with me, okay?  
C) Comments & criticism are welcome, and please review. However, if you're going to flame me because of the yuri content, DON'T. only flame me if you think my fanfic sucked in general, or I didn't write it very well. I want some feedback, especially constructive criticism so I can write better.  
D) This is also a songfic. The song lyrics in it are copyright 98 Degrees, so don't sue me.  
E) Also, these characters aren't mine. So don't sue me for that. ^_^  
  
I sighed and looked out the window, pretending to be interested in the stars that flashed by. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, and immersed myself in deep thought.  
  
She's out of my life...  
  
Mihoshi...you were such a burden to me.  
  
I don't know whether to laugh or cry  
  
I was confused about how I felt...one part of me was rejoicing because my only career block was now removed, but some other little part of me cried out for Mihoshi, longing for her warm hugs and meaningful smiles.  
  
I don't know whether to live or die...  
  
It was true...I didn't know if I wanted to go on living, or even...die. I know it seems a bit drastic, but...Mihoshi was actually a big part of my life, come to think of it. She was always around me; watching my every move and waiting faithfully for my instructions...it felt good to have someone look up to me, especially somebody like...her. Everyday, just to see the adoring look in her eyes...well, that was greater than any coveted position I could receive at headquarters. But yet, once again, part of me couldn't wait to start my new career at Galaxy Police HQ...without my bumbling partner. But still, something nagged at me, wouldn't leave me alone.  
Am I really leaving her? What...am I doing?  
  
And it cuts like a knife...she's out of my life  
  
The muscles in my chest constricted painfully as I tried to hold back a desperate sob. I gripped my seat tightly with one of my gloved hands, and I waited until my rapid breathing had calmed to think again.  
  
She's out of my hands...  
  
Well, at least I wouldn't have to practically babysit Mihoshi. No more picking up after what she had just destroyed...no more evenings at the bath and karaoke bar to keep her entertained. But that was fun, a part of me insisted. Mihoshi and I worked quite well together...despite being constantly demoted day by day, we caught almost every criminal we came across.  
So now I was finally being recognized for my talents...to an extent, it felt great.  
  
To think that for two years, that she was here  
  
Has it really been that long? Time flies when you're having fun, I guess. It wasn't until maybe a year ago that I realized I never wanted to leave her...  
  
And I took her for granted; I was so cavalier  
  
I guess I figured she'd always be with me. She didn't seem to have any intention of parting, although I used to. And for once, Mihoshi's trust in me had actually been my downfall...just the other day, Mihoshi found a letter. She was cleaning our apartment as a surprise for me when she found a crumpled up letter underneath my pillow. Little did she know, but that was a letter I had written months ago, requesting a new partner. I hadn't really meant it, so I had just hidden it. But, Mihoshi found it, and being so trusting and loyal, she mailed it off for me.  
  
So the way that it stands...she's out of my hands.  
  
I gulped, feeling my heart suddenly ache.  
  
So I've learned - that love is no possession  
  
How could I have possibly been so stupid, so foolish to think that because she admired me so much that we'd always be together?  
  
And I've learned - that love won't wait  
  
That much was true...if love waited, then I wouldn't be on this ship right now, speeding to headquarters.  
  
Now I've learned - love needs expression  
  
I should've told her...oh, why didn't I tell her! I didn't know then what I was afraid of, but I know now that I was scared... of my own feelings.  
  
But I've learned much too late - and she's out of my life  
  
I choked. God, Mihoshi. I was so wrong...   
  
Damned indecision, and cursed pride  
  
I clenched my fist in agony. I was too indecisive...I wanted to tell her, by my chances disappeared day by day...I would come so close, oh so close, but then she would wrap her arms around me and render me senseless. But even as I had this great desire for my feelings to be known, I was too proud. I've always been a proud person, and this time it was my ultimate downfall. I was too proud to tell her, too proud to acknowledge the fact that what I felt for her was deep, and so very real.  
  
Kept my love for her locked deep inside  
  
This time I couldn't hold back a sob. I literally felt my heart break, and the tears I had almost never experienced rolled down my face in profusion. Mihoshi, why didn't I tell you? Oh, God how I wish you knew! Damn myself! Too foolish, too proud to let her know my feelings...now more than ever, I hated myself.  
  
And it cuts like a knife...  
  
I wiped away the last of my tears and sat up straight in my seat. I must not show any weakness, especially since I was going to headquarters...but still, Mihoshi nagged at me, and I stiffened as I remember the feel of her body pressed against mine in her crushing, goodbye hug. Why did I hurt you, Mihoshi? I thought to myself. I always felt so horrible, so evil when she cried at something I said. Why couldn't I just tell you...that I...loved you?  
"Detective Kiyone, we are almost at headquarters," the pilot of the craft turned around to tell me. "Hey, you alright? You look kind of upset...you shouldn't be, considering you're now the chief of your department."  
I smiled weakly. "N-No, I'm fine. Just tell me...when we get there."  
He nodded, and turned back around. I slid down in my seat, feeling empty and shallow. I once again turned to stare blankly at the stars that zipped past, and found no solace in them as I realized I was speeding quickly away from the only one I loved.  
  
She's out of my... life.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
